Monday Morning Newsletter (02/25/08)

Another Monday, another batch of new albums, old tour dates, very old music moguls and very new titty jokes from our own Jose Fritz in the Monday Morning Newsletter

MVD Visual released "Busted Circuits and Ringing Ears," the sordid story of the Grunge rock innovating band Tad last week. For those of us that have seen it, there was a moment of Zen in realizing the band no matter how great, really was too ugly for MTV.

Sundazed Records has released a compilation of Connecticut garage bands of the 1960s. It’s titled Don’t Press your Luck. Even Jamie Jasta was surprised to discover that half a century ago bands used to admit they were from Connecticut. If serviced, Jose Fritz promises to mock their haircuts on an individual basis.

Three Nine Inch Nails song will be available as downloads for Xbox360 and Playstation. Just to ensure you do not become completely sick of the overbearing marketing campaign for Year Zero all tracks have been selected from the 1990s.

Mindless Self Indulgence announced a six track Remix EP for the single "Never Wanted To Dance," due to come out March 18th. The disc will have a DVD extra of Jimmy spitting a cup of his own urine onto a crowd. This differs from their live show as the urine normally belongs to the guitarist.

Lindsey Lohan posed nude for New York Magazine this week under the auspices of a Marilyn Monroe-like set of images. The 22 year old actress and singer was described by editor Adam Moss as “Classy, curvey, gorgeous and completely free of her addiction to smocking crack.”

Portishead has promised to appear at Coachella following their first appearance in a decade with a new studio album. Their tour manager has promised to return them to cryogenic stasis after a few U.S. tour dates. They will rest there in the refurbished airplane hangar with all the other bands I haven’t cared about since 1999.

Phantom Planet rose to eminence as The-band-Jason-Schwartzman-played-drums-for. During the recording process for their follow up record Schwartzman left the band seeking attention elsewhere for his abundant bodyhair. Despite that and the loss of their lead guitarist they press on imagining that they are still a band. The ironicly titled album Raise The Dead drops April 15th.

MySpace is making their second naively hopeful foray into the muisc download business. Rupert Murdoch, owner of MySpace suffering a moment of passing naivete, genuinely believes that he can save the record industry from itself.

Universal Music Group CEO Doug Morris was found Tuesday wandering aimlessly in Rockefeller Plaza. His doctors assured the press that he is healthy, and back at home with his family where the big bad internets can’t download scarey shiny things to hurt him.

Monday Dolly Parton posted on her website that she will to postpone her U.S. tour for six to eight weeks because of back problems created by her enormous fake breasts. Jose Fritz was so stymied by the absurdity of the situation he was unable to respond at press time.