Stranded In Stereo: Mastodon
Showing posts with label Mastodon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mastodon. Show all posts

Monday, November 17, 2008

Monday Morning Newsleter (11-17-08)

Today is the birthday of Gordon Lightfoot, the Canadian folk and country singer. He is 70 years old today and despite releasing 20 bland LPs in those decades no one has put him out of his misery. Happy Birthday greetings to Mr. Lightfoot.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame honored Les Paul last week with the 2008 American Music Master award. Hundreds gathered to honor him at the Playhouse Square State Theater in Cleveland, OH. Other Hall of Fame members performed including Duane Eddy, Dennis Coffey and Slash. Way to go Slash, you only look a little out of place there buddy.

José is in mourning this week. Miriam Makeba, the South African, singer died of a heart attack. She performed a full set at an anti-Mafia concert in Itlay then dropped dead. In her heyday she was a badass: in 1976 she addressed the UN to denounce apartheid. The nation of South Africa banned her music and she had to live in exile for over 30 years.

At a concert in Sydney, Australia last week, singer Rihanna suddenly grabbed her stomach and ran off stage. She was in the middle of the song “Umbrella” and was seen to be clutching her stomach moments before the incident. A representative told us that she is not bulimic and is perfectly healthy. José says, lay off the ipecac.

Also ill this week is Mastodon guitarist Bill Kelliher. Kelliher was hospitalized in London for an undisclosed crotch ailment. Doctors will are monitoring his condition which is said to be improving. Mastodon has opted to continue the European Unholy Alliance Chapter 3 package tour as a three-piece.

One-time Jimi Hendrix drummer Mitch Mitchell died this week. He had just completed a tour with the Experience Hendrix project. He is the longest lived member of the original trio, and the only not to die of drugs and alcohol–related causes. He was 62.

You may have read that *NSYNC lip-synch artist Lance Bass has been in cosmonaut training in Russia. On the Tonight Show this week Bass, admitted he is now two inches smaller than he was before he began the program. (Please insert dick joke here) Space suits apply pressure to the body, because of pressure differences. He explained further that his trainers made him a special suit that would contract him in space.

Paula Goodspeed, a Paula Abdul stalker, was found dead near the American Idol judge’s home this week. Goodspeed reportedly died of a drug overdose. Goodspeed actually auditioned for the show back in 2006, and didn’t make it past Simon's wit and gay flamboyance. The police currently consider Paula Abdul a possible suspect.

Rapper Kanye West has been arrested again. This time he “allegedly” assaulted a photographer outside the Tup Tup Nightclub in Newcastle, England. The moody rapper also scuffled with the paparazzi outside the club. Photographer/stalker Terry Blackburn claimed to have been injured in the incident. Police detained West at his hotel but have released him without charge.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Monday Morning Newsletter (03/03/08)

More arrests, breasts, and slanderous jests from Jose Fritz in ye olde Monday Morning Newsletter.

Greg Graffin’s ego expanded recently as he is being honored by the Humanist Chaplaincy and Harvard Secular Society at Harvard University. He is being awarded the 2008 Outstanding Lifetime Achievement Award in Cultural Humanism. An event is scheduled this April. The rest of Bad Religion will continue to be jealous.

After numerous lineup changes through the years, all original Killing Joke members have reunited for a new album and world tour. Drummer Martin Atkins was not invited as he still owes money to all other living members.

Mastodon has recorded a cover of the over-played 1980s hit "One" Thus continuing a tightly held tradition of credible metal bands doing ridiculous cover tunes for comic effect. The single will appear in the ad campaign for the videogame "Army Of Two."

Meshuggah's new album obZen will be in stores March 11th on Nuclear Blast. Fans were comforted in the fact that it sounds like everything else they’ve ever done.

SIS Writer Tom Jönze has taken a sabbatical to begin a tour of the East Coast playing 1940s blues songs about venereal disease and whore-mongering under the name “Old Blind Willy.” Tour dates will be announced shortly.

Jose Fritz has vowed not to cover any news of Amy Winehouse as she is literally smoking crack and missing court dates completely eliminating his normal arenas of comedy.

Recently released documents indicate that Michael Jackson is behind on his mortgage payments to the tune of over $150,000. Pasadena-based mortgage lender IndyMac Bancor will be putting a lean on the 7 million dollar home shortly. Through his press secretary jackson said “ I blame predatory lenders, the man is always trying to hold the brother down. Fight the power!”

Atlanta rockers Black Crowes demanded and got an apology from Maxim magazine over a review of their album Warpaint. The reviewer admitted to only previewing one song before on the unreleased CD before writing the review. Maxim editorial director James Kaminsky responded Tuesday “Come on dude, they’ve sounded the same for twenty years! Chack out the babe on page 17!”